My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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