Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
