I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
