Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
