i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Damn victory sex feels great
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
