don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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