Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I want her autograph on my taint
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
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