Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
