Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
