his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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