Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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