farters have to be the big spoon...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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