Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
