***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I accidentally had phone sex last night
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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