I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
