I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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