I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
