So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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