Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
