So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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