I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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