There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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