Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
