So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You smell like stripper and shame
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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