I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
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