Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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