he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
