I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
