I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
