Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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