Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
