Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
