I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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