If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
