Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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