those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
