We're like a lot better than the average bears
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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