Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
