If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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