either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Someone signed my nipple.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
