I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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