someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
there is glitter all over my balls
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