first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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