The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I looked at my own cervix.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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