There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
