Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
