What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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