so explain again why im purple
no
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
