What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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