Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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