Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm passing your future prison.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
