i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
