My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just googled if crying burns calories
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
