I wish i was in the wii world.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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