Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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