Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
