Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
