Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
