you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
