I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
