the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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