Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
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I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
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Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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