Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on