I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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