just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
