exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
