Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
