Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
