a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
