is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
