Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
